Widowed father dating daughter unhappy
A professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Texas, Fingerman is also the director of a three-generational study that focuses on middle-aged children and how they care for the generations above and below them.“The research shows that they have a pretty good idea of what their parents’ needs really are,” she says.Just keep in mind that dating a widower can require a bit of extra patience, understanding and a willingness to allow him space to express his feelings. Even if your new love interest has had ample time to grieve the loss of his spouse, his children may still be dealing with the loss of their parent -- and he may be trying to help them deal with their pain.Trying to involve yourself in their lives too quickly or too aggressively may have the adverse reaction of pushing your date away as he tries to cope with his feelings and help his children cope with theirs.
Even adult children may need time to adjust to the idea of their widowed father dating again after the loss of their mother. Psychologist Phyllis Silverman suggests that the idea of mourning is not an illness from which someone can recover -- and may be a process that impacts individuals for the rest of their lives.A recent study by Zarit and his colleagues looked at parental stubbornness as a complicating factor in intergenerational relationships.Not surprisingly, adult children were more likely to say their parents were acting stubborn than the parents were to see the behavior in themselves.“Older parents might do better to try to understand and address the child’s concerns.We found in our research that when the middle-aged adult is worried about the aging parent, the parent is both annoyed by that and feels more loved.”* * *At a recent 80th-birthday party for my friend Leah, I found myself seated at a table for eight, all women of a certain age: my very own focus group.
Several years ago, I wrote a book aimed at helping adult children of my generation manage the many challenges of caring for our aging parents.